Toxic Relationships Are Exciting!

Why people can’t get enough of their suffering.

Going to Las Vegas with a duffle bag full of cash is exciting. Doing 200 mph on a Kawasaki Ninja without a helmet is definitely exciting. Having sex in a Burger King bathroom? No doubt. Smoking meth, strong-arm robbery, and arson are relatively exciting pastimes as well. However, none of these activities are particularly advisable for your health, happiness, and wellbeing. The same could be said about toxic relationships.

People are attracted to excitement because it makes them feel alive. The anticipation, the mystery, the thrill of the chase. Novelty. Risk. The emotional rollercoaster, drama, and attention. What a rush! And yet, this attraction can get us into trouble — especially when we base our romantic relationships on such urges.

People sometimes date a new person and say that they “have chemistry” because they both own chihuahuas, enjoy the outdoors, and practice yoga. Or whatever. Sure, shared interests — that’s great!

But folks frequently use the word chemistry to describe an unexplainable, often uncontrollable, visceral attraction to another person. This can happen when their broken pieces match your broken pieces. In such cases, “chemistry” can quite literally be a neurological chemical cocktail released in the brain before engaging in crazy ass behavior.

It’s the feeling of gearing up to galavant through the untamed jungles of unhealthy emotional entanglement, once again. This type of chemistry is the wonderful adrenaline boost that nature gives you in case you need to karate chop a fool and swing from a chandelier to escape if things get too loco.

Crazy chemistry is a cheap thrill. It doesn’t require skill or discernment, patience, or prudence. You don’t need to heal, grow, or face your fears. You don’t need therapy or self-awareness. In fact, crazy chemistry is most delectable when you are unskilled, impatient, undiscerning, broken, and afraid. Then it’s like finding a hundred dollar bill in a crackhouse. Like “Awe man, this is fantastic!”

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