Feeling Insufficient

“The Walk Out”

I never got it right,
not even in five attempts.
Never got the top score
or won any fights.
I was the odd duck,
the odd dumb duck rather.

Mom’s scolds were customary,
about this and that all wrong.
How I got nothing right.
Dad always just looked away,
shrug his massive shoulders
then call another to fill in.

The guys had other plans. Always.
Something always came up,
and soon I knew why.
From words in secret,
of my boring nature,
of my poor social standing.

Even love was a task.
She said I was not enough,
too short, dark, broke,
or so they all said.
like I was cursed,
punished with loneliness.

For long I listened,
swallowed the poison pills,
like a suicidal junky.
Craving, depending, accepting.
So it became my reality,
dumb, insufficient, useless.

I took the easier paths,
far from any watching eye.
in case I slipped, in case I failed.
Denying myself possibilities,
offering them up to my ‘betters’,
they that were smart.

But life rewards the persistent,
a lesson I learned brutally.
Passing up all I wanted,
letting incompetence dictate,
putting fear in the driver’s seat
and riding shotgun to disappointment.

I learned to find a balance,
making up for my shortcomings,
equalizing the playing fields
so I too could have a shot.
Be more than a failure,
prove myself to me first.

So I put in the time, the sacrifice,
building myself to more.
Overcoming the slangs,
the standards set for me.
I choose self-sufficiency first,
then the world recognized value.

The true essence of humanity is the celebration of the varieties that exist within the species. Seeing every one of these as possible sources of immense potential and doing all that is possible to get that one to where it will be most helpful. Sadly, in the real world, this task is left in the hands of individuals and as such, everyone is called to support one another. Irrespective of what variability sets them apart.

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