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Bonnie and Claire

INT. LIVING ROOM

HENRY sits on a couch. CLAIRE sits next to him. Claire’s
arms are all over Henry. BONNIE walks in and places a chair
to the side of the couch. She then walks to a chair facing
the one she set. These two chair face each other in front of
the couch. Bonnie sits in one chair.

BONNIE
I am not having this conversation
with you while you have your arms
all over my boyfriend.

Claire reluctantly gets up, but not before placing a kiss on
Henry’s cheek. Claire sits on the chair facing Bonnie.

BONNIE (CONT’D)
When you moved in I was gracious,
Claire. I let you wig out on
several months rent. I let you eat
my food. You even borrow my
clothes. But this (pointing to
Henry)…this, this has got to
stop.

CLAIRE
What? Henry and I sleeping
together?

BONNIE
You don’t sleep together. Sleeping
is never part of the routine.
Isn’t that right, Henry?

HENRY
Well…

BONNIE
(to Claire)
See.

CLAIRE
It’s a minor point, Bonnie.

BONNIE
No it’s not a minor point. Henry
does not choose to fall asleep next
to you. He is not like working on
a relationship with you. He has
reserved that work for me, for him
and me, isn’t that right, Henry?

HENRY
Can I interject?

BONNIE
Interject? What is that word? Are
you working on a relationship with
me?

HENRY
Yes.

BONNIE
One word answers, Henry.

CLAIRE
So you think all Henry and I have
accomplished is some cheap affair?

BONNIE
That is not an accomplishment.

CLAIRE
Henry doesn’t fake orgasms with me.

BONNIE
Fake orgasms? What are you talking
about? Men don’t fake orgasms.
That’s not possible.

CLAIRE
Henry is an actor.

BONNIE
He is not an actor.

HENRY
(to Bonnie)
I am an actor.

BONNIE
He is not a good actor.

CLAIRE
You didn’t even go to his play.

HENRY
(to Bonnie)
Claire went to my play.

BONNIE
I work, Henry. In fact, I am the
only one in this room who has a
job. I don’t have time to see a
Wednesday matinee of Hamlet in
Bushwick, for chrissake.

CLAIRE
That is his job, Bonnie. He is an
actor. That is what he does.

BONNIE
(to Claire)
And what is YOUR job?

CLAIRE
Can we lower the temperature in the
room.

BONNIE
We went to middle school together.
We have been friends forever. How
can you do this, Claire?

CLAIRE
OK. I’m sorry. But it is not my
fault. It’s because he is weak.
(pointing to Henry)

HENRY
What?

CLAIRE
I am looking out for you, Bonnie.

HENRY
What do you mean I’m weak?

BONNIE
And how are you looking out for me,
exactly?

CLAIRE
Look at me, Bonnie. This face is
just…you are just so much more
attractive than me. So much more
desirable.

BONNIE
That’s not true. You’re
very…pleasant.

CLAIRE
And the second you go to work,
bingo, he jumps into bed with me.

HENRY
That’s not how it happened.

BONNIE
Shut up, Henry. Let my friend have
a word.

CLAIRE
So this thing that happened, OK, it
was a mistake…but let’s be zen
about this and accept what the
universe has delivered to us, the
truth about who Henry really is.

HENRY
(to Claire)
You know, I thought I actually
liked you.

CLAIRE
(getting upset)
Of course you liked me. Everyone
likes me. That’s the problem. I
am so fucking likeable. No body
really wants me. They just like me
to death.

BONNIE
Oh, Claire. I had no idea.

CLAIRE
I’m sorry. I don’t mean to get
upset.

BONNIE
(to Henry)
You know, you are an asshole.

HENRY
Wait, you are buying this load of
shit?

BONNIE
You know, I knew you were faking
your orgasms. I knew it. You are
such a bad actor.

CLAIRE
He was awful in Hamlet.

BONNIE
Of course he was.

CLAIRE
Can we be friends again?

HENRY
I have had enough.

CLAIRE
Shut up, Henry.

BONNIE
Yeah, shut up, Henry. (to Claire)
Friends.

THE END.

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