The art of waiting

For the past few weeks, I have been diligently waiting for a text to come from a certain someone. To put it bluntly, I was waiting for a notification from my crush.

Yes. A crush.

If you have known me since my bachelor days, you must understand that I am pretty hard to fall in love — let alone have a crush. My friends always say to lower my standards, put some effort to find the one, lower my expectation. Well, they’re not wrong. Sometimes I found myself thinking how all of this dreamy conspiracy theory about love is only for people who are born pretty and good-looking. But, my friends are not entirely correct as well — I believe that by having high criteria for love, I’m doing myself a favour.

A favour for me not getting hurt.

For all 26 years of my life, I can conclude that I put many walls upfront because I’m afraid. I don’t want to carelessly throw my affection just to be left out the next day. I hate it when my efforts into someone I like just let waste effortlessly.

Don’t get me wrong — it doesn’t mean that I expect appreciation (I do!) or want everything I gave to give back to me. Well, I do expect something somehow. But, it’s more like I believe that if two people have a good feeling with one another, both of them should make an equal effort to show their affections. Hence, I don’t want my effort to be put in vain. Because, in the end, I’ll be the only one with all of these overwhelming emotions.

Therefore, for now, I’m trying to shift my perspectives and see waiting as something that would be worth it. See, I used to be an impatient woman — I hate waiting and uncertainty. Like, what the hell are you using my time for? That’s pretty harsh. But that’s something that was constantly on my mind a while ago.

So, let’s wait for something good and better days in the future. I promise the universe I’d be very patient and will take anything that comes up on my way as a lesson and learning material.

This kind of patience also applies to the endless waiting for a mere reply from my crush. Note to self: don’t expect too much!

Anyway, this essay is just to rant and document my thoughts. If you reach this part, thank you so much for clicking this nonsense writing, and I hope you’re not getting any headaches from reading this.

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